2019.

And just like that, another year has passed.

This year isn't exactly what I thought it would be. I thought after a really hard 2018 that 2019 would be some magical reawakening and I'd find all the answers. LOL. NOPE.

2019's theme was consistency. For a girl whose entire life has been all about "surviving" and "making it through", consistency is an uncomfortable place. It took me a few months into the year to discover that when I felt bored or that when things felt flat, that it was actually just some sense of normalcy. Turns out, 2019's challenge was learning what peace feels like.

I've gotta be honest with you dear, 3 readers of this blog: that shit is HARD and I've still got some learning to do, but at the end of the day and this year...it feels oh, so good.

Here are some 2019 highlights:

This year saw a consistent job that's given me more experience in a totally different field and world. While I don't think it's my forever career, it's been a nice reset.

I moved again which drives my friends and family nuts when it's Christmas card season. This place, though, it feels the most like HOME I've had in a long, long time. It's beautiful and peaceful and on weekends when there's no agenda, I love waking up to this beautiful space.

Another big bike adventure was accomplished with my buddy Hank. Lots of training, plotting, planning, anxiety attacks, and hard work were put into what became another incredibly difficult and equally rewarding feat with one of my favorite human beings. A week in the mountains on a bike with Hank once again showed me how capable I am. It also showed me how incredibly loved we both are by the tribe of people who got us through that week. I know that these big adventures are something I want to do for a long time. I just have to figure out what that looks like.

Balance was also a theme in my life. I learned how to stop saying yes for the sake of missing out on something and that "no" is OK. "Yes" should be reserved for adventures and experiences that fulfill you. Days on the couch in sweatpants are equally needed. 

Most importantly, I fell in love. With ME. I'm so proud of myself and the woman I've grown into over the last few years. I'm tough. And funny. I love HARD. I'm also not for everyone and that's fine with me. I am, however, for a certain someone who I also fell in love with in the process. Yo, 25-year-old Helen (and other girls out there): don't look for him to complete you. Look for him to be your partner in life. You'll be better for it...and much happier.

I try not to do resolutions at the beginning of the new year because I find that goals are constantly having to be set, readjusted, and reset throughout the year. My hope for 2020 (HELLO ROARING 20's!) is that I spend more time with and appreciating the small group of people who make my life happy. We aren't here long. I hope to travel a little more. More bike and running adventures are a definite. As is spending as much time outside as possible! Maybe a few more blog posts... Anything outside of that is a bonus. 

Life is lovely. Cheers to you, my friends, and 2020!