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Hello, Reality, You Nasty B****

I'm not sure what happens that brings me from being OK with things to a bawling mess on my drive home after work, but it happens. It's that smack in the face forcing me into the lonely parts of my reality, I suppose. And Reality can be a big ole bitch!

I knew these moments would come. I knew that I'm an emotional creature and that this would be a little more tough on me than for most.  I knew they would bring huge tears and what feels like a breaking heart. Knowing all of this hasn't made it any easier, though. 

I talked about embracing the suck and I do...or at least, I'm trying.

I have to make it clear that leaving Georgia wasn't just for a kick ass job out West. It wasn't just the opportunity for me to try new things, step outside of my comfort zone and get a fresh start. I knew that leaving Georgia meant I would be in state where I knew no one and that these lonely nights would come and they would force me to face myself.

It's uncomfortable to do...to look at the why's and how's that led me down all the paths that got me here. Even though it's uncomfortable, I understand it's importance.

See, I'm realizing that what keeps moving me forward is my overwhelming belief that there is something more out there for me. And maybe I'm not quite ready to find it, but I am willing to work for it. Finally.  

Yes, eventually this WILL be a fresh start, but for now it's time to dig into being uncomfortable. To lean into all that hurts and trust the process of healing, understanding and forgiveness. To embrace my flaws and imperfections. It's long overdue.

So reality, as nasty as it may be, is something I'm finally OK facing because I know its worth. It won't be easy and I won't always be great at it, but bring on the quiet moments, bitch! I'm a constant work in progress and I've got this!

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