3 Months a "Colorado Girl"

The first time I came to Colorado was in the Summer of 2010. I have this awesome memory of standing at the base of Maroon Bells in Aspen watching the sunset and being in awe of how stunningly, breathtakingly beautiful this place was. I was this small creature in this vast space and I was in love.

Colorado has a way of doing that...making me feel small and almost insignificant in the grand scheme of things. And that's no easy feat since I'm no tiny person!

Today marks 3 months since arriving in Colorado. 3 months since I left Georgia, my friends and everything that was comfortable for me to start another chapter in this little book of Helen. It has been exactly what I expected: amazing and scary and lonely and sad and invigorating and liberating and frustrating.

I knew moving here would force me into being alone. At times, that loneliness is crushing. And it hits at the weirdest times. Like, driving in the car cursing the fact that they don't make "slush" tires because these expensive ass snow tires don't do slush...and then I'll have a memory of a time with one of my sweet friends and the tears will start flowing. The other night I wanted to pack my shit and come HOME. But I'm a grown up and grown ups have responsibilities. I also know that doing so wouldn't be well received by my uber supportive friends who would literally all kick my ass <--more motivating than the adult bullshit. I also had to remind myself that I AM home. Colorado is home.

I found an apartment in Lakewood and will move in a couple of weeks, finally unpacking all the boxes that have been sitting in the garage of this fantastic house I've had the privilege of staying in. I can't wait to be settled in my first apartment with no roommates or hookups from people doing me a favor (better at 33 than never!)! I'm also scared shitless! My job has restored my love for this industry and working in small business...I am so happy to finally feel a part of something again AND to be valued for it! I have plans for day trips to hike and bike and weekend trips to places like Moab which are in driving distance! I'm slowly (v-e-r-y slowly) meeting people including a nice guy who seems to really like me! Brucey has acclimated perfectly and easily...that guy rocks!

So. Here I am. Living in Colorado with no regrets for moving. A little melancholy for all I've left behind. And excitement for all that lies before me. It still isn't easy, but it's worth it!

Comments

Daughter.

When you're estranged from not one, but basically both parents, the heaviness of that can still be palpable. Most days, most weeks, and months even, it's fine. I've learned to navigate questions like, "Where do your parents live?" or the weird feeling in my gut when someone says, "Oh, my mom sent me this from this favorite place of mine." I've learned how to adjust to Mother's and Father's Days by staying off of social media and doing something that makes me happy like getting out into nature. Some of these times are better than others. Here's the thing: whether or not the choice to go no contact with the two people who were supposed to show you all the basis of love was good or not, is incredibly difficult. Because social media is what it is, yesterday was apparently "International Daughters Day". It didn't bother me so much yesterday, but this morning wasn't off to a great start and for some reason, I felt agitated. I ...

Bikes!

Twenty years ago this month, I moved to Georgia and got a job at a local bike shop. My long-term boyfriend from my early twenties was an avid cyclist and bike mechanic. He had gotten a job wrenching at a local shop, Bicycles Unlimited. I was 19 and looking for a retail job since, at that point, it was all I knew. The shop was owned by a family and they were welcoming to this young girl working there with ZERO experience. I started on the sales floor and moved on to inventory management. It was my first foray into the inner workings of small businesses. More importantly, this was my introduction to the bicycle industry which has been one of the most meaningful relationships I've ever had. I'd say 75% of the people I know in my life can be credited to a bicycle. Whether it be through rides, shops, or sponsors... I have met some of the most inspiring and influential people because of a BIKE. Some of the most fulfilling experiences I've had have been on a bike or because of bi...

Boundaries.

When you hear the word “boundary”, what do you think of? For so long, the word "boundary" meant "no" to me. No to bad relationships. No to things that didn't fulfill me. That was it. I've seemingly always been able to set boundaries. I used to say it was easy. I've made the hard decision to go no contact with not one, but both parents (and one step-parent) in the last 20 years. I walked away from a marriage mid-trying-to-have-a-baby because I just knew I couldn't be tied to this person forever. I've recently realized that even though I've been setting some hard boundaries since my early twenties, it's actually never come easy. I know what you're probably thinking, "Well, no. Setting boundaries isn't easy for anyone." And I get that. However, I'm one of those super-feeling types of people. Also known as a (diagnosed) generalized anxiety-ridden people pleaser who is both prickly as a pear but super loving stemming ...

A Lovely Life

Looking For Something?