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2018.

I'm always incredibly reflective this time of year. 

 I love being able to look back on each year to enjoy the things that made them wonderful and take lessons from the things that made them difficult.

This year, quite frankly, felt like it had more difficult moments than wonderful. I know. I know. What a negative way to look at a year of growth, but it's true. 2018 was HARD. 

It has been a year of stark contrast. I've experienced my highest, most incredible highs...


In between those high, amazing times, though, I saw my darkest days. I lost everything that gave me purpose. To the point where this world almost lost me. I was ready to give it all up because almost everything and everyone I loved and wrapped myself in was gone. Almost everything. Funny what seeing a photo of someone you love at just the right time will do to literally save you. One day, I'll tell that story, but I'm not ready yet. 

I said it earlier this year that when Brucey, my furry companion and best guy who had seen me through some tough shit left, that it was because he knew I'd be OK. Almost a year (the hardest one ever) later, I believe that the Universe or God or whomever you believe in has begun to teach me a lesson.

Step 1: take it all away. Everything that gave me purpose. CHECK
Step 2: realize that all those people and things aren't my purpose...that *I* am. CHECK
Step 3: figure out how to get back to Helen. For the first time. Ever. 

I have no idea how I'm gonna get to step #3, but I've got no choice at this point. Here's what I DO know: I'm a tough, kickass woman who is full of love and wears it on her sleeve. It's time to learn to put all that good shit into action. On my own terms.

We really are nothing if we aren't learning and growing. 2018 knocked me down over and over and I'm pretty battered, but there is no way that I'm giving up. 

I believe that 2019 will see some really big, really scary, but more wonderful than I can ever imagine things. And I am so ready!

To my sweet friends and family...the ones who held me up when I literally couldn't stand another second...I love you more than words will ever be able to describe. Thank you for sticking by me.

2018, you can go fuck yourself. I'm so ready to see you go.

2019, I hope you're ready to make my 35th time around this sun the most successful yet.

 Cheers to those high-highs.








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