Skip to main content

2018.

I'm always incredibly reflective this time of year. 

 I love being able to look back on each year to enjoy the things that made them wonderful and take lessons from the things that made them difficult.

This year, quite frankly, felt like it had more difficult moments than wonderful. I know. I know. What a negative way to look at a year of growth, but it's true. 2018 was HARD. 

It has been a year of stark contrast. I've experienced my highest, most incredible highs...


In between those high, amazing times, though, I saw my darkest days. I lost everything that gave me purpose. To the point where this world almost lost me. I was ready to give it all up because almost everything and everyone I loved and wrapped myself in was gone. Almost everything. Funny what seeing a photo of someone you love at just the right time will do to literally save you. One day, I'll tell that story, but I'm not ready yet. 

I said it earlier this year that when Brucey, my furry companion and best guy who had seen me through some tough shit left, that it was because he knew I'd be OK. Almost a year (the hardest one ever) later, I believe that the Universe or God or whomever you believe in has begun to teach me a lesson.

Step 1: take it all away. Everything that gave me purpose. CHECK
Step 2: realize that all those people and things aren't my purpose...that *I* am. CHECK
Step 3: figure out how to get back to Helen. For the first time. Ever. 

I have no idea how I'm gonna get to step #3, but I've got no choice at this point. Here's what I DO know: I'm a tough, kickass woman who is full of love and wears it on her sleeve. It's time to learn to put all that good shit into action. On my own terms.

We really are nothing if we aren't learning and growing. 2018 knocked me down over and over and I'm pretty battered, but there is no way that I'm giving up. 

I believe that 2019 will see some really big, really scary, but more wonderful than I can ever imagine things. And I am so ready!

To my sweet friends and family...the ones who held me up when I literally couldn't stand another second...I love you more than words will ever be able to describe. Thank you for sticking by me.

2018, you can go fuck yourself. I'm so ready to see you go.

2019, I hope you're ready to make my 35th time around this sun the most successful yet.

 Cheers to those high-highs.








Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Questions? Comments? Share away!

Buzz kill? Keep on moving!

Popular posts from this blog

Goodbye.

 “I don’t know if I should congratulate you or console you.” - Craig “How about both?” - Me This was a conversation in our kitchen earlier this week. After a year and a half of weekly therapy, I had my last session with my therapist Tuesday. Not because I was over it or because it wasn’t working or because he retired. Nope. Because we got to a place where we could both say I’ve got the tools I need to move on. I have to say that there is no timeline for therapy and every situation is unique. I moved on from intensive therapy with my therapist because that it was worked for ME. I am certainly no expert and I have a feeling this isn’t the end of my therapy forever, but I do know that my experience with the right person allowed me to heal in ways I literally never thought possible. And it gave me the experience of a healthy “goodbye”. I was never prepared for that, so when we set an end date (not-so-coincidentally my Nanna’s birthday), it was hard to process. No one talks about
Post a Comment
Read more

It's a Funny Feeling

Let's be honest, I've been riding my bike more this year than the last 3 years COMBINED. While that's sad for the last couple of summers, it's great for this one. And this girl.  Thanks to some riding buddies who are calm and patient, I've been able to get out and ride more in the city whereas before even the thought of riding in Buckhead scared the living daylights out of me. I've encouraged myself when I really, REALLY don't want to ride and would prefer to go home after a long day and drink a glass of wine. I've pushed myself to go a little further than I felt I could. I faced some fears. Riding over I-285 during rush hour traffic giggling because I was having a way better time than those commuters! I was out this evening by myself on a local rail-to-trail and it was glorious. The trail was quiet with very few people on it, the weather was great and I just felt good! I trucked along at my best pace yet and kept thinking to myself how
Post a Comment
Read more

Patsy.

A friend sent this video to me and when I watched it, I was struck more by the feelings it brought up around the content than the story itself.  Christen Reighter's story is an interesting and frustrating insight into what it means to NOT want a child. I invite you to watch this. Her experience is not unique and needs to be talked about. Even if you have kids. Or want them. What struck me most was what she says during her TedTalk: "I have believed having children was an extension of womanhood, not the definition." Truth is, I've been struggling with this lately. Not the fact that I'm longing for children. I'd be fibbing if I said there is a very tiny part of me that wonders what this will feel like when I get to the end of life. HOWEVER. That feeling isn't strong enough for me to want to find out. I don't feel like having children should be thought of as a "keeping the fingers crossed" kind of situation. If you aren't sure you'l
2 comments
Read more