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"2018 can go fuck itself."... I said after what felt at the time like devastating news:

I will no longer be working with The Kyle Pease Foundation on an organizational level.

The phone call caught me off guard and while they have their reasoning, it didn't make it hurt any less. The foundation is a not-for-profit business but it has (as many of you are fully aware of) been intensely personal for me. 

3 years ago, I fell in love with this foundation at at time when my world had fallen apart. I had just filed for divorce, the job I was in was no longer working out and I was looking to move on, I was trying to figure out how I'd function in this big world all alone. Then KPF appeared and I was smitten. The mission, the people, the community. So I've spent these last years wrapped up completely in it. Helping it grow, while it helped me grow. It's been about the relationships.

This year's theme has been about immense loss. The loss of companions, friends, careers. And now this. I had my dog. I had a "best friend" back home. I KNEW that I wanted to spend my career in bike shops. I felt like I had hit my athletic stride in doing big events with assisted athletes. It's all gone. My post-divorce identity has been completely erased in a matter of months. Given all of it, it's hard to not feel excruciatingly lost.

I haven't been able to help but ask, "How am I back here, feeling lost...AGAIN?!". All I can gather is this:

At the end of the day, people and things should enhance my life...not define it. It's time to focus on my happiness.

(I have no clue how to do this, but I guess I'm gonna need to learn quickly!)

So. My relationship with The Kyle Pease Foundation is a little up in the air. I'm sad to lose my little place in their organization and remaining as a push/pull volunteer is tricky given my living across the country. Time, as it always does, will tell. And I, as I always do, will figure it out.

I am forever grateful for the purpose, the athleticism, the community and most of all, the people that KPF has given me over the last 3 years. I've done some damn good work and found life long, life CHANGING, forever friends. 

I'm better because of you....and I'll miss you like crazy.

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