Skip to main content


When you're estranged from not one, but basically both parents, the heaviness of that can still be palpable.

Most days, most weeks, and months even, it's fine. I've learned to navigate questions like, "Where do your parents live?" or the weird feeling in my gut when someone says, "Oh, my mom sent me this from this favorite place of mine." I've learned how to adjust to Mother's and Father's Days by staying off of social media and doing something that makes me happy like getting out into nature. Some of these times are better than others.

Here's the thing: whether or not the choice to go no contact with the two people who were supposed to show you all the basis of love was good or not, is incredibly difficult.

Because social media is what it is, yesterday was apparently "International Daughters Day". It didn't bother me so much yesterday, but this morning wasn't off to a great start and for some reason, I felt agitated. I did the super-intelligent thing of jumping on social media to see post after post of people posting about their incredible daughters. And then I realized what was going on: I'm sad. 

It isn't because I need someone to publicly post about me on social media so the world knows how much I'm loved. When I'm sad on Mother's Day it isn't because I really want to spend a bunch of money on flowers or some dumb shit for the woman who gave birth to me.


It's because on days like this when I see it all around me, it reminds me of that void. Of what's missing. And while going no contact with both parents is the best possible decision for my mental health and well-being, it doesn't make it easier when I see what I SHOULD have. I want to be loved in the quiet moments. In the day-to-day. I sometimes miss being able to call someone to share my accomplishments or ask for advice.

If you're reading this and have no idea why I'd be complaining when I could just, you know, pick up the phone, then lucky you: you clearly haven't had this struggle and that's great! I don't want you to NOT post about your daughters or sons or moms or dads. Just try to have a little sympathy for a person and situation you can't possibly understand. Be grateful for that and reserve your judgment.

My situation is my choice. And I'm truly OK with that most of the time, however, it will never be easy and there will be days that tiny things, like "International Daughters Day", will hurt. 


Popular posts from this blog


 “I don’t know if I should congratulate you or console you.” - Craig “How about both?” - Me This was a conversation in our kitchen earlier this week. After a year and a half of weekly therapy, I had my last session with my therapist Tuesday. Not because I was over it or because it wasn’t working or because he retired. Nope. Because we got to a place where we could both say I’ve got the tools I need to move on. I have to say that there is no timeline for therapy and every situation is unique. I moved on from intensive therapy with my therapist because that it was worked for ME. I am certainly no expert and I have a feeling this isn’t the end of my therapy forever, but I do know that my experience with the right person allowed me to heal in ways I literally never thought possible. And it gave me the experience of a healthy “goodbye”. I was never prepared for that, so when we set an end date (not-so-coincidentally my Nanna’s birthday), it was hard to process. No one talks about

November 19th

There's apparently something about November 19th and changes in my life... 2 years ago: moving out of the ex's house 1 year ago: announcing that I was making the big move to beautiful Colorado Today: planning my next big adventure! After 2 years of major life changes and constant adjustment, I'm finally feeling like a settled human being. So, I've decided that 2018 is going to be the year I push myself physically and mentally. 2 half marathons are on the schedule along with the most exciting part: a multi day bike adventure with an assisted athlete here in Colorado in support of The Kyle Pease Foundation !!  I've learned enough about myself that I will not agree to push myself hard physically for any length of time unless there is another person who is behind the WHY. Doing this in partnership with another athlete who necessarily wouldn't be able to otherwise, is enough to get my ass off my couch and get it done! Details are still being worke