Skip to main content


Showing posts from 2021


 “I don’t know if I should congratulate you or console you.” - Craig “How about both?” - Me This was a conversation in our kitchen earlier this week. After a year and a half of weekly therapy, I had my last session with my therapist Tuesday. Not because I was over it or because it wasn’t working or because he retired. Nope. Because we got to a place where we could both say I’ve got the tools I need to move on. I have to say that there is no timeline for therapy and every situation is unique. I moved on from intensive therapy with my therapist because that it was worked for ME. I am certainly no expert and I have a feeling this isn’t the end of my therapy forever, but I do know that my experience with the right person allowed me to heal in ways I literally never thought possible. And it gave me the experience of a healthy “goodbye”. I was never prepared for that, so when we set an end date (not-so-coincidentally my Nanna’s birthday), it was hard to process. No one talks about


A friend sent this video to me and when I watched it, I was struck more by the feelings it brought up around the content than the story itself.  Christen Reighter's story is an interesting and frustrating insight into what it means to NOT want a child. I invite you to watch this. Her experience is not unique and needs to be talked about. Even if you have kids. Or want them. What struck me most was what she says during her TedTalk: "I have believed having children was an extension of womanhood, not the definition." Truth is, I've been struggling with this lately. Not the fact that I'm longing for children. I'd be fibbing if I said there is a very tiny part of me that wonders what this will feel like when I get to the end of life. HOWEVER. That feeling isn't strong enough for me to want to find out. I don't feel like having children should be thought of as a "keeping the fingers crossed" kind of situation. If you aren't sure you'l


Hands down the best money we spent at the beginning of the pandemic as a New York Times Cooking subscription. When restaurants started to close and our financial situation took a bit of a hit due to COVID, eating out was clearly no longer an option. I've had a love for spending time in the kitchen since I can remember, but experimentation wasn't always my thing. C definitely brought out some adventure in me when it comes to cooking.  So, we've spent the majority of the last year reading the emails from NYT Cooking titled "What to Eat Tonight" and "What to Eat This Weekend" and we'd add things that sounded good to our virtual recipe box and plan accordingly. One of our unspoken guidelines is that the majority of what we made has to have as few ingredients and steps as possible. Something with over 22 steps better end with step 23 being "how to file for divorce"... I kid. We've loosened that rule a bit as we've added more staples to t


I saw this meme about 6 months ago and just FELT it. panDAMNit is correct.  P.S. The memes in this hellscape have been GOLD I've realized this week that everyone's "one-year mark" of COVID-19 is different. For everyone, though, it's whatever day that shit got REAL.  Mine is March 13th.  A year ago today, our Chancellor sent the email saying, "Anyone who can work remotely should do so beginning Monday, March 16th through March 27th. Those deemed essential should work with their supervisors...".  A year to the day my DFA came out of her office, looked me in the eyes, and said, "You're essential. Can you be here Monday?".  I should say here that I work as an administrative assistant/building ops gal on the CU Anschutz Medical Campus where they took this thing VERY seriously from jump. The days leading up to March 13th were full of anxiety. My email inbox was being inundated with canceled classes and meetings and almost hourly updates from cam


I have a little secret. Today marks 30 days since my last drink**. I had attempted a 30-day alcohol-free period in January of 2018 which ended up being, arguably, one of the most challenging years of my life. I made it 26 days miserable days and it all ended because Brucey , my beloved rescue dog, died while I was traveling to Miami for an event. This is when I discovered that Walgreen's sells wine (what?!).  I look back at my first alcohol-free attempt and I realize that I wasn't really set up for success. Hindsight and all that... Not only did I try to detox on January 1st, but I was also newly ramping up training for my big bike adventures AND I decided to try my hand at 30-days of Yoga with Adriene . All of these things independently are (and were) really good things. Healthy. Mindful. Etc. Etc. However, I went into that period of time looking at not drinking as punishment. This dry spell was needed more than ever. With COVID hitting a year ago (that's another post in i


  I see inspirational, thought-provoking quotes daily. This one hit hard, though. If you were to ask me all the things I love, it would go a little something like this (in no particular order): Craig, Jerry, my friends all over the country, my extended family, mac and cheese, writing, bike would include a lot of things and a few people. None of which would be ME. It never would have crossed my mind.  So what does that say about what I think of myself? In a world where we stress self-care and self-love, shouldn't I be at the top of my own list? That doesn't mean I don't love myself, but it does make me wonder where I put myself on the list of all the things I love in the world. If someone were to ask you to name all the things you love, would you have put yourself first? 


Well. Here we are. 381 days later.  My last post was December 31, 2019, and had a rather hopeful tone. Then 2020 said "grab my beer" and the world slowly fell into shambles. You know. We ALL know. And, if for some miracle, you've been living under a rock just Google 2020. And that's enough about that for now. The last several months have been nothing short of a mind fuck, shit show. (BTW, as a refresher, this blog is not SFW or children) I've had to re-evaluate every aspect of my life, most importantly my mental health.  I've been searching for ways to re-center and find my way back to Helen. Baby steps. And this blog is one of them. I'd like to spend less time anger-scrolling on Facebook and more time putting my thoughts into words here. It's my little corner of the world that a small group of people can join in if they want. I have a lot of thoughts I want to share moving forward. But there's time for that. For now, I want to re-start this with a