A Lovely Life

When you're estranged from not one, but basically both parents, the heaviness of that can still be palpable. Most days, most weeks, and months even, it's fine. I've learned to navigate questions like, "Where do your parents live?" or the weird feeling in my gut when someone says, "Oh, my mom sent me this from this favorite place of mine." I've learned how to adjust to Mother's and Father's Days by staying off of social media and doing something that makes me happy like getting out into nature. Some of these times are better than others. Here's the thing: whether or not the choice to go no contact with the two people who were supposed to show you all the basis of love was good or not, is incredibly difficult. Because social media is what it is, yesterday was apparently "International Daughters Day". It didn't bother me so much yesterday, but this morning wasn't off to a great start and for some reason, I felt agitated. I ...

  When you hear the word “boundary”, what do you think of? For so long, the word "boundary" meant "no" to me. No to bad relationships. No to things that didn't fulfill me. That was it.  I've seemingly always been able to set boundaries. I used to say it was easy. I've made the hard decision to go no contact with not one, but both parents (and one step-parent) in the last 20 years. I walked away from a marriage mid-trying-to-have-a-baby because I just knew I couldn't be tied to this person forever.  I've recently realized that even though I've been setting some hard boundaries since my early twenties, it's actually never come easy. I know what you're probably thinking, "Well, no. Setting boundaries isn't easy for anyone." And I get that. However, I'm one of those super-feeling types of people. Also known as a (diagnosed) generalized anxiety-ridden people pleaser who is both prickly as a pear but super loving stemming ...

 “I don’t know if I should congratulate you or console you.” - Craig “How about both?” - Me This was a conversation in our kitchen earlier this week. After a year and a half of weekly therapy, I had my last session with my therapist Tuesday. Not because I was over it or because it wasn’t working or because he retired. Nope. Because we got to a place where we could both say I’ve got the tools I need to move on. I have to say that there is no timeline for therapy and every situation is unique. I moved on from intensive therapy with my therapist because that it was worked for ME. I am certainly no expert and I have a feeling this isn’t the end of my therapy forever, but I do know that my experience with the right person allowed me to heal in ways I literally never thought possible. And it gave me the experience of a healthy “goodbye”. I was never prepared for that, so when we set an end date (not-so-coincidentally my Nanna’s birthday), it was hard to process. No one talks ab...

A friend sent this video to me and when I watched it, I was struck more by the feelings it brought up around the content than the story itself.  Christen Reighter's story is an interesting and frustrating insight into what it means to NOT want a child. I invite you to watch this. Her experience is not unique and needs to be talked about. Even if you have kids. Or want them. What struck me most was what she says during her TedTalk: "I have believed having children was an extension of womanhood, not the definition." Truth is, I've been struggling with this lately. Not the fact that I'm longing for children. I'd be fibbing if I said there is a very tiny part of me that wonders what this will feel like when I get to the end of life. HOWEVER. That feeling isn't strong enough for me to want to find out. I don't feel like having children should be thought of as a "keeping the fingers crossed" kind of situation. If you aren't sure you'l...