A Lovely Life

"2018 can go fuck itself."... I said after what felt at the time like devastating news: I will no longer be working with The Kyle Pease Foundation on an organizational level. The phone call caught me off guard and while they have their reasoning, it didn't make it hurt any less. The foundation is a not-for-profit business but it has (as many of you are fully aware of) been intensely personal for me.  3 years ago, I fell in love with this foundation at at time when my world had fallen apart. I had just filed for divorce, the job I was in was no longer working out and I was looking to move on, I was trying to figure out how I'd function in this big world all alone. Then KPF appeared and I was smitten. The mission, the people, the community. So I've spent these last years wrapped up completely in it. Helping it grow, while it helped me grow. It's been about the relationships. This year's theme has been about immense loss. The loss of companions, frien...

On October 28th, I closed the book on 2018's athletic endeavors with a thing I swore as early as this Spring that I would never do: a marathon.  That's 26.2 miles of RUNNING. On purpose . There is no way I'd have agreed to it or trained for it if it weren't for Hank Poore, who is a dear friend, Kpeasey athlete and marathon veteran. We decided to take on Marine Corps Marathon in Washington D.C. and I am so glad we did. Even though I'm in the best shape of my life thanks to that  little bike ride  I did in August, I wasn't sure how I'd do. I knew that so long as I kept up with my training post ride that I'd get it done. I just wasn't confident in how quickly or painless I'd be able to do so. My greatest fear going in to race day was letting Hank down. This was his 3rd Marine Corps Marathon and the previous girls he'd run with were much faster. I'm what I like to refer to as a "forced athlete" and speed does not come natu...

This will be a long one.  Mostly, for me. I want to savor every moment of what was the biggest physical (and emotional) challenge I've taken on. I want to relish this great accomplishment. If you're into small novels, sit back, grab a cup of coffee (or wine depending on the time of day) and come with me back through Helen & Noah's BIG Adventure. First, I have to say that our team of people was INCREDIBLE. I couldn't have asked for a better, more perfect group of humans. They played every "role" perfectly. I'll name them and give a general description of what they were around to do. However, I cannot possibly describe them or what they gave me any further. Simply put: I wouldn't have gotten through this without each of them. Naomi - Noah's Mom Stacy - my coach Peter - mechanic/sherpa/human compass Josh & Nic - our film crew Day 1: The Intro We got Noah into the trailer and learned quickly that zip ties would be our friends during...

We have 30 days. I can't believe it. This journey has been so eye opening on every front. The training has been the easiest (cannot believe I'm saying that). The mental part the toughest (that's not surprising in the least). And the financial part harder than I thought. We are halfway to our $10,000 goal and that scares me since we are so close. It's easy for people to like, love and share things on social media for us, which I so appreciate. We live in a time when "good deed" and cute animal videos are shared all over the place as palette cleansers for what's going on in this sometimes scary world we live in. The issue that I'm finding since I'm living it, is that there is no genuine connection. Watch this video for 2 mins. Get teary, LOVE it, share it, go drink coffee. Repeat.  I'm guilty of this myself. It's easy to glaze over it. And when I say "it" in this particular instance, I mean our story and our goal: to help pr...

Sunday was a massive training day. A few weeks ago, Cindy Snyder reached out to me via Facebook offering me the chance to train with her son, P.J. P.J. is 32 and has Angelman Syndrome and an incredibly accomplished athlete. We were connected through Dennis with Athletes in Tandem here in Colorado. Dennis is the guy who sparked this entire adventure idea. We made plans to have a training ride with P.J. and to invite the local community to come ride with in hopes of promoting inclusion, showing how it's done and gaining donations to Helen & Noah's Big Adventure.  It would be the most I'd hauled at 104 pounds. The trailer is 32lbs, P.J. weighs 72lbs. I was scared sh*tless. My training leading up to this had been with a max of 45lbs. There were a few rides where I was climbing when I was like, "How in the HELL am I going to do this with even more weight. I'm going to embarrass myself in front of a group of people who are there to support us." So, I took...

51 Days... Training has really amped up and has been good overall. I've been feeling stronger and more capable every time I get on the bike. I've been struggling with some dizziness and feeling light headed on a daily basis. I've had some training rides that have really kicked my ass and not in the good, physical way. In the, holy shit, I feel terrible and out of it and drained, way. Part of it has been my nutrition or lack there of.  Here's what I've figured out so far... Problem #1: I have to force myself to eat in the morning before a ride. I do my best, but it's typically not been enough. Solution #1: Pre-making Biju's Oatmeal from the Feedzone Portables Cookbook and making myself eat it pre-ride. Problem #2: I apparently don't eat when I'm actively riding and hunger hits within an hour. Every single time. No matter what I eat beforehand. If I DO eat on the bike, there isn't a ton I can stomach. Favorites so far: pickles and fru...

I'm gonna be honest with you. This week I've come close to quitting. To giving up on this entire adventure. To saying, "Thanks for all the support, y'all, but this isn't happening.". To succumbing to all of those negative thoughts and fears and massive anxiety that I'm facing. My body and my mind are tired. I'm not even halfway to my financial goal. I've got a million things yet to figure out. And...I'm scared shitless that I will fail Noah and Naomi and every single person who has supported us thus far. This is part of the journey, I'm told. Facing the days when I question my sanity, my physical ability and whether or not I can scrounge up the financial support I've promised the Kyle Pease Foundation . My buddy tells me to enjoy the days I want to quit. That they end up being the best days because once I get through them, I'll be better for it. He would know. He does some pretty big stuff ... So, I didn't qu...

Lots of things have started to happen as we are staring down our Big Adventure , so I figured I share and update here for those of you following along. Training I've officially moved over to 6 days of riding a week. I do a mix of trainer rides to target specific goals and rides outside. Up mountains. My coach takes exactly ZERO shit, which I need and am grateful for. Trailer We took our maiden voyage (sans Noah) up Lookout Mountain last Friday. For reference, Lookout is a 4.3 mile climb at an average grade of 6% with 1,700 feet of climbing. Remember that one time when I said I didn't climb? I do now. The following day I tried to add a measly 10 pounds to the trailer at an attempt to do a different route. I'm not sure if it was my body that felt beat down, my bike not having enough gears or just being exhausted or some combo of all of those, but it DID NOT GO WELL. I gave up, turned around and was pissed at myself. I got up the next day, put that trailer (appropri...

T-Minus 90 Days until we set on this adventure we've taken on. Time on the bike has amped up. I've been conquering mountain passes and roads I never thought were doable for a "non-climber" like me. I've been picking the brains of some inspirational people who have given me some invaluable advice. I'm coming up with an event "Bible". Figuring out how to raise $10,000. Making lists. Planning. Getting equally as nervous as I am excited. I've started to tell people about what we're doing in an attempt to spread the word because this is so important. Often, I get reactions of indifference. And sometimes I get asked, "Why? What does Noah, a kid who is so different than us 'normal' folk, get out of this?" That's been a really hard question to answer up until now. People don't get it. They don't get WHY.  This experience with Noah is teaching me that differences aren't road blocks. They're small speed bu...

Yesterday, I completed my 5th Half Marathon. It was the Colfax Half and it's been on the calendar for awhile. My plan was to push an assisted athlete solo with a local organization out here in Colorado. I'd like to say that yesterday was a PR. That I accomplished another big feat, checking some goal off my list. I can't say those things. What I can say is that it sucked. That it was my worst half marathon to date and that, by the time I finished, I had nothing left. I was dizzy and shaking and completely out of it.  BUT. We finished. I was the only single pusher to a disabled athlete. And it was my first time pushing solo. It was also the first time I had met my athlete, Isaac, not knowing much about him until race morning. We met in the parking lot. His mom got him out of his regular chair and into his race chair and we chatted a bit. She was awesome. Kind and happy and willing to let a perfect stranger take her kid on a jaunt around Denver for a couple of hours....

On 3.18.18, Team Noah crossed the finish line in our 3rd consecutive Publix Half Marathon. It was a day of firsts. It was the first time that I ran with Noah's "real pusher" as I call him...the guy who has done 4 Marine Corps Marathons pushing Noah and who is quite the accomplished athlete. It's the first time that Naomi decided to meet us at the 7.5 mile mark to save her body from being beaten by a race that life didn't allow her to prepare for. It was the first time I would really push myself hard to get to that 7.5 mile mark... I was the most prepared I've ever been for this race, having been in training since late November. I was ready. My mind, however, was not. There was a long wait at the start as we have gotten this event to run like a well-oiled machine. As an event planner, time is the BEST. As a wanna be athlete, it is not. It was too much time for this gal's mind to wander. I was nervous. Really. Freaking. Nervous. To the point where I ...