A Lovely Life

I've written this post a half dozen times....struggling with what to say and often feeling defensive or embarrassed. Wondering about the judgement I'd receive for being so open and honest. Not wanting to hurt the feelings of those of you who have been so ingrained in my marriage and divorce. And then I reminded myself that I'm not me unless I'm being painfully open and honest. This is MY story and this part is one of my unexpected favorites. Some of you may recognize this guy. He was a big part of my life for a long time. He's that guy I've mentioned from time to time....the one I was married to. A few weeks ago, he was in Colorado visiting family and we spent some time together. It was the first time in over a year that we'd seen each other. Meeting him for dinner felt like a really awkward first date, but with someone I had known for years. Those feelings sure were a mixed bag! I consider he and I some of the lucky ones. We're the ones wh...

This was the first photo I saw when I opened Facebook today.  They do a great job of reminding you where you were and what you were doing this time last year, 2 years ago and on and on. Most days it brings a smile to my face. Some days I feel a pang of nostalgia and longing. Other days I feel nothing at all. Today was different. I looked at this picture and the date and thought, "Holy shit. This picture of my low riders 'waiting for dad' would be way less cute if anyone had ANY idea what was going on at that point in time." Two years ago, we had just decided after months to stop trying to have a baby and get a divorce instead. I was in this state of fuzziness. Not knowing if it was really REAL. Not knowing who to talk to. Feeling the weight of the failure of my marriage and the absolute fear of what was a very uncertain future. I was in auto mode....going through the motions of everyday life, posting our "happy" little family on social m...