Skip to main content

On This Day...

This was the first photo I saw when I opened Facebook today. 




They do a great job of reminding you where you were and what you were doing this time last year, 2 years ago and on and on. Most days it brings a smile to my face. Some days I feel a pang of nostalgia and longing. Other days I feel nothing at all.

Today was different. I looked at this picture and the date and thought, "Holy shit. This picture of my low riders 'waiting for dad' would be way less cute if anyone had ANY idea what was going on at that point in time."

Two years ago, we had just decided after months to stop trying to have a baby and get a divorce instead. I was in this state of fuzziness. Not knowing if it was really REAL. Not knowing who to talk to. Feeling the weight of the failure of my marriage and the absolute fear of what was a very uncertain future. I was in auto mode....going through the motions of everyday life, posting our "happy" little family on social media and praying to God that this wasn't reality.

It was months before we would tell the majority of our friends and family and I wouldn't move out until December. It feels like a lifetime ago and, thanks to social media, I vividly remember how it felt to sit in that chair and take that pic with those sweet pups.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Patsy.

A friend sent this video to me and when I watched it, I was struck more by the feelings it brought up around the content than the story itself.  Christen Reighter's story is an interesting and frustrating insight into what it means to NOT want a child. I invite you to watch this. Her experience is not unique and needs to be talked about. Even if you have kids. Or want them. What struck me most was what she says during her TedTalk: "I have believed having children was an extension of womanhood, not the definition." Truth is, I've been struggling with this lately. Not the fact that I'm longing for children. I'd be fibbing if I said there is a very tiny part of me that wonders what this will feel like when I get to the end of life. HOWEVER. That feeling isn't strong enough for me to want to find out. I don't feel like having children should be thought of as a "keeping the fingers crossed" kind of situation. If you aren't sure you'l

Experimental.

I have a little secret. Today marks 30 days since my last drink**. I had attempted a 30-day alcohol-free period in January of 2018 which ended up being, arguably, one of the most challenging years of my life. I made it 26 days miserable days and it all ended because Brucey , my beloved rescue dog, died while I was traveling to Miami for an event. This is when I discovered that Walgreen's sells wine (what?!).  I look back at my first alcohol-free attempt and I realize that I wasn't really set up for success. Hindsight and all that... Not only did I try to detox on January 1st, but I was also newly ramping up training for my big bike adventures AND I decided to try my hand at 30-days of Yoga with Adriene . All of these things independently are (and were) really good things. Healthy. Mindful. Etc. Etc. However, I went into that period of time looking at not drinking as punishment. This dry spell was needed more than ever. With COVID hitting a year ago (that's another post in i

2019.

And just like that, another year has passed. This year isn't exactly what I thought it would be. I thought after a really hard 2018 that 2019 would be some magical reawakening and I'd find all the answers. LOL. NOPE. 2019's theme was consistency. For a girl whose entire life has been all about "surviving" and "making it through", consistency is an uncomfortable place. It took me a few months into the year to discover that when I felt bored or that when things felt flat, that it was actually just some sense of normalcy. Turns out, 2019's challenge was learning what peace feels like. I've gotta be honest with you dear, 3 readers of this blog: that shit is HARD and I've still got some learning to do, but at the end of the day and this year...it feels oh, so good. Here are some 2019 highlights: This year saw a consistent job that's given me more experience in a totally different field and world. While I don't think it's my