Skip to main content

On This Day...

This was the first photo I saw when I opened Facebook today. 




They do a great job of reminding you where you were and what you were doing this time last year, 2 years ago and on and on. Most days it brings a smile to my face. Some days I feel a pang of nostalgia and longing. Other days I feel nothing at all.

Today was different. I looked at this picture and the date and thought, "Holy shit. This picture of my low riders 'waiting for dad' would be way less cute if anyone had ANY idea what was going on at that point in time."

Two years ago, we had just decided after months to stop trying to have a baby and get a divorce instead. I was in this state of fuzziness. Not knowing if it was really REAL. Not knowing who to talk to. Feeling the weight of the failure of my marriage and the absolute fear of what was a very uncertain future. I was in auto mode....going through the motions of everyday life, posting our "happy" little family on social media and praying to God that this wasn't reality.

It was months before we would tell the majority of our friends and family and I wouldn't move out until December. It feels like a lifetime ago and, thanks to social media, I vividly remember how it felt to sit in that chair and take that pic with those sweet pups.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Goodbye.

 “I don’t know if I should congratulate you or console you.” - Craig “How about both?” - Me This was a conversation in our kitchen earlier this week. After a year and a half of weekly therapy, I had my last session with my therapist Tuesday. Not because I was over it or because it wasn’t working or because he retired. Nope. Because we got to a place where we could both say I’ve got the tools I need to move on. I have to say that there is no timeline for therapy and every situation is unique. I moved on from intensive therapy with my therapist because that it was worked for ME. I am certainly no expert and I have a feeling this isn’t the end of my therapy forever, but I do know that my experience with the right person allowed me to heal in ways I literally never thought possible. And it gave me the experience of a healthy “goodbye”. I was never prepared for that, so when we set an end date (not-so-coincidentally my Nanna’s birthday), it was hard to process. No one talks about

It's a Funny Feeling

Let's be honest, I've been riding my bike more this year than the last 3 years COMBINED. While that's sad for the last couple of summers, it's great for this one. And this girl.  Thanks to some riding buddies who are calm and patient, I've been able to get out and ride more in the city whereas before even the thought of riding in Buckhead scared the living daylights out of me. I've encouraged myself when I really, REALLY don't want to ride and would prefer to go home after a long day and drink a glass of wine. I've pushed myself to go a little further than I felt I could. I faced some fears. Riding over I-285 during rush hour traffic giggling because I was having a way better time than those commuters! I was out this evening by myself on a local rail-to-trail and it was glorious. The trail was quiet with very few people on it, the weather was great and I just felt good! I trucked along at my best pace yet and kept thinking to myself how

Patsy.

A friend sent this video to me and when I watched it, I was struck more by the feelings it brought up around the content than the story itself.  Christen Reighter's story is an interesting and frustrating insight into what it means to NOT want a child. I invite you to watch this. Her experience is not unique and needs to be talked about. Even if you have kids. Or want them. What struck me most was what she says during her TedTalk: "I have believed having children was an extension of womanhood, not the definition." Truth is, I've been struggling with this lately. Not the fact that I'm longing for children. I'd be fibbing if I said there is a very tiny part of me that wonders what this will feel like when I get to the end of life. HOWEVER. That feeling isn't strong enough for me to want to find out. I don't feel like having children should be thought of as a "keeping the fingers crossed" kind of situation. If you aren't sure you'l