A Lovely Life

A year ago today, I arrived in a snow storm at 9,000 feet after dark to my temporary living space in on Shadow Mountain in Colorado. I was tired and sick and hangry and incredibly emotional. We made it. Now what? This past year has gone by like a blur, but there are so many incredible moments that I was able to truly savor that it also feels like this place has always been my home. Home. Everything that I expected to experience I did: Loneliness - 9,000 feet up a mountain with just a dog is LONELY Sadness - missing my network of people, my go to's Excitement - new places to see and experience Fear - stepping outside of my comfort zone daily to get used to this new life Awe - this place, well, it's stunning Confidence - finding my place here and doing it solo has been everything I needed I am thankful for every tear and every smile and every "AH HA!" moment. For the times I sat on my floor with my arms around Brucey's neck in tears. For every time I...

God, it's so easy for me to bitch about how much I miss about Georgia. I then quickly remind myself to shut the hell up and simply look around. I'm 6 months post-move and straddling the line between being settled and still feeling so UNsettled. This post is dedicated to the moments I have where I miss something from Georgia, then immediately find myself in awe of where I stand at that very moment. I miss: The sound of cicadas and crickets Pimento cheese Those random ,"What are you up to? Let's grab dinner", texts Fireflies Southern accents...all of them! Peach picking Being withing driving distance of the beach My old "go to" bike routes Sweetwater beer The smell of rain on a hot summer day My tribe Sitting at my best friend's kitchen counter, watching her cook and catching up Dukes Mayo Bitching about traffic Waffle House at my finger tips Humidity . . . just kidding. I don't miss that shit at ALL. I love: My bike shop Wi...

6 months ago today I arrived at almost 9,000 feet on top of a mountain in a snow storm in negative temps with a raging cold and a little bit of hanger (hungry/anger for those unaware). I was home and it felt nothing like it.  There wasn't much that was unexpected my first few days and weeks here: loneliness, altitude adjustment, lots of tears, SNOW, pure fear, more snow, gorgeous surroundings... Between those early days in January and now I've gotten used to this new place and settled into a routine. I live in my first grown up apartment. I run a bike shop and that place fulfills me. I live 5 minutes from miles of gorgeous trails. I've enjoyed many a brewery mixed with a few hikes and a couple of bike rides. I've continued to do things that scare me...like going to breweries alone knowing no one and sticking out like a sore thumb. I've learned to bring a jacket everywhere I go and that what I thought was bi-polar weather in Georgia doesn't hold a candl...

The first time I came to Colorado was in the Summer of 2010. I have this awesome memory of standing at the base of Maroon Bells in Aspen watching the sunset and being in awe of how stunningly, breathtakingly beautiful this place was. I was this small creature in this vast space and I was in love. Colorado has a way of doing that...making me feel small and almost insignificant in the grand scheme of things. And that's no easy feat since I'm no tiny person! Today marks 3 months since arriving in Colorado. 3 months since I left Georgia, my friends and everything that was comfortable for me to start another chapter in this little book of Helen. It has been exactly what I expected: amazing and scary and lonely and sad and invigorating and liberating and frustrating.  I knew moving here would force me into being alone. At times, that loneliness is crushing. And it hits at the weirdest times. Like, driving in the car cursing the fact that they don't make "slush...

If you know me, you know that the phrase, "I DON'T ADULT WELL!", comes out of my mouth or is sent via text a. lot. So today, when I got a call that I had been approved for an apartment, I did a little jig. And then when it really hit me, I cried tears of joy (shocking, I know). For most of you, this is not a big deal. An apartment? Pfft. Most people have their first apartment in their 20's. My path has been different and tonight, while a little embarrassed, I'm more so just immensely proud. This is the first time in my life where I haven't had to rely on another soul to have a roof over my head. No parents. No roommates. No kick ass, killer deals from friends. No boyfriends. Nope....just Helen (except for Brucey who is contributing $0 to the household, so I'm not counting him for these purposes).  I've done nothing in the last 14 months, but take risks. Scary, life changing risks and so many times I've doubted myself since, "I don't ...

I'm not sure what happens that brings me from being OK with things to a bawling mess on my drive home after work, but it happens. It's that smack in the face forcing me into the lonely parts of my reality, I suppose. And Reality can be a big ole bitch! I knew these moments would come. I knew that I'm an emotional creature and that this would be a little more tough on me than for most.  I knew they would bring huge tears and what feels like a breaking heart. Knowing all of this hasn't made it any easier, though.  I talked about embracing the suck and I do...or at least, I'm trying. I have to make it clear that leaving Georgia wasn't just for a kick ass job out West. It wasn't just the opportunity for me to try new things, step outside of my comfort zone and get a fresh start. I knew that leaving Georgia meant I would be in state where I knew no one and that these lonely nights would come and they would force me to face myself. It's uncomfortabl...

I've been here about 2 and a half weeks and already I feel like I've learned so much. And typically I've learned the hard way.  Because. Helen. Example? Snow tires. On my first free day off from work I got Brucey and myself all ready to go for a hike...there are so many places within a 10 minute drive from where we live and I was SO excited to get out like an adult and go do something active. We didn't make it out of the driveway. Halfway up to be precise. Turns out, my front wheel drive Honda Accord with questionable tread on it's tires to begin with, was incredibly ill-equipped for snow. Halfway. We got halfway. Then we rolled back a little bit to "get more traction" because I was told that's something you do. Terrible idea in hindsight. Good news is I missed the stone wall that lines one side of my driveway by a literal inch (I measured). Bad news is I had to climb out of my passenger side, I cried a lot and poor Bruce had just gone on the most ...

A year ago I asked a friend if it really does get better after a year. He assured me it would. I remember, as I so often do, wondering where I'd be once I hit the year mark post divorce. So today when I realized what day it was, I sent my little brother a text letting him know I had made it a year and he asked me how I felt. My response was this: I feel like I made it. Like I survived when there were (and sometimes still are) days when I surely didn't think I would. I'm damn proud of myself because even though it's still messy, I've proven I'm much stronger than I ever realized. My little brother told me that I needed to celebrate and I agree! I love finding reasons to celebrate, after all....even on the tough dates, like divorce anniversaries. I've been told all too often not to remember the bad dates...to let them go, but I like to remember them. Especially today. Because a year ago I had no idea where I'd be or who I'd be or if I could co...

At this point, everyone has heard of Tinder and swiping right. I've used Tinder on more than one occasion to meet people. Some of you who are NOT in the dating world consider this a hook-up app and while that can be said for every single online dating site, I've actually had some decent dates come from Tinder. I won't go into those, though. They aren't nearly as entertaining.  Tinder, like other sites, is full of some of the world's most disgusting and entertaining people you will ever come across. If you can sift through enough profiles and find someone to start an actual conversation with then, congratulations! You have pretty much just conquered the Mount Everest of dating. Seriously. The shit people put on these profiles to woo women is nuts...great for drinking games though! Even after getting to the communication stage, things can go south quickly. And when I say "south" I mean dick pics . One of the best parts about said dick pics is not the dic...