Skip to main content

Hello, Reality, You Nasty B****

I'm not sure what happens that brings me from being OK with things to a bawling mess on my drive home after work, but it happens. It's that smack in the face forcing me into the lonely parts of my reality, I suppose. And Reality can be a big ole bitch!

I knew these moments would come. I knew that I'm an emotional creature and that this would be a little more tough on me than for most.  I knew they would bring huge tears and what feels like a breaking heart. Knowing all of this hasn't made it any easier, though. 

I talked about embracing the suck and I do...or at least, I'm trying.

I have to make it clear that leaving Georgia wasn't just for a kick ass job out West. It wasn't just the opportunity for me to try new things, step outside of my comfort zone and get a fresh start. I knew that leaving Georgia meant I would be in state where I knew no one and that these lonely nights would come and they would force me to face myself.

It's uncomfortable to do...to look at the why's and how's that led me down all the paths that got me here. Even though it's uncomfortable, I understand it's importance.

See, I'm realizing that what keeps moving me forward is my overwhelming belief that there is something more out there for me. And maybe I'm not quite ready to find it, but I am willing to work for it. Finally.  

Yes, eventually this WILL be a fresh start, but for now it's time to dig into being uncomfortable. To lean into all that hurts and trust the process of healing, understanding and forgiveness. To embrace my flaws and imperfections. It's long overdue.

So reality, as nasty as it may be, is something I'm finally OK facing because I know its worth. It won't be easy and I won't always be great at it, but bring on the quiet moments, bitch! I'm a constant work in progress and I've got this!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Goodbye.

 “I don’t know if I should congratulate you or console you.” - Craig “How about both?” - Me This was a conversation in our kitchen earlier this week. After a year and a half of weekly therapy, I had my last session with my therapist Tuesday. Not because I was over it or because it wasn’t working or because he retired. Nope. Because we got to a place where we could both say I’ve got the tools I need to move on. I have to say that there is no timeline for therapy and every situation is unique. I moved on from intensive therapy with my therapist because that it was worked for ME. I am certainly no expert and I have a feeling this isn’t the end of my therapy forever, but I do know that my experience with the right person allowed me to heal in ways I literally never thought possible. And it gave me the experience of a healthy “goodbye”. I was never prepared for that, so when we set an end date (not-so-coincidentally my Nanna’s birthday), it was hard to process. No one talks about

November 19th

There's apparently something about November 19th and changes in my life... 2 years ago: moving out of the ex's house 1 year ago: announcing that I was making the big move to beautiful Colorado Today: planning my next big adventure! After 2 years of major life changes and constant adjustment, I'm finally feeling like a settled human being. So, I've decided that 2018 is going to be the year I push myself physically and mentally. 2 half marathons are on the schedule along with the most exciting part: a multi day bike adventure with an assisted athlete here in Colorado in support of The Kyle Pease Foundation !!  I've learned enough about myself that I will not agree to push myself hard physically for any length of time unless there is another person who is behind the WHY. Doing this in partnership with another athlete who necessarily wouldn't be able to otherwise, is enough to get my ass off my couch and get it done! Details are still being worke

It's a Funny Feeling

Let's be honest, I've been riding my bike more this year than the last 3 years COMBINED. While that's sad for the last couple of summers, it's great for this one. And this girl.  Thanks to some riding buddies who are calm and patient, I've been able to get out and ride more in the city whereas before even the thought of riding in Buckhead scared the living daylights out of me. I've encouraged myself when I really, REALLY don't want to ride and would prefer to go home after a long day and drink a glass of wine. I've pushed myself to go a little further than I felt I could. I faced some fears. Riding over I-285 during rush hour traffic giggling because I was having a way better time than those commuters! I was out this evening by myself on a local rail-to-trail and it was glorious. The trail was quiet with very few people on it, the weather was great and I just felt good! I trucked along at my best pace yet and kept thinking to myself how