I saw this meme about 6 months ago and just FELT it. panDAMNit is correct.
Depression crept in slowly. I tried to play it off and do that thing we need to stop doing: telling myself to lock it up because there are people worse off.
Then one day, I got home from a shower shift at work and crawled into bed. I laid there all afternoon into the evening completely incapable of doing anything else. I spent the latter part of the Spring walking around in a funk, frustrated, sad, and had lost any interest in anything. The world was dark and it felt too heavy to bear. It was time for help.
The pandemic world did have its fair share of the good, too.
I was fortunate enough to be able to take advantage of great health benefits and started therapy with an amazing psychiatrist. (more on him later) With a hybrid working from home model, I've been able to spend time each week in therapy. Sitting in the shit as I like to say...and learning to sit in all that's good, too <-- turns out, THAT is a space I am not naturally comfortable in. Who knew?!
Craig's travel for event activation was very obviously put on hold indefinitely, so he was home more. And we loved that time together. We had just gotten Jerry who was our bright spot more times than I can count. (how the fuck have I not done a Jerry post?!) People showed their love and support for our small start-up, giving us one of our best sales months EVER at the beginning of a total world shut down. We had regular zoom calls with loved ones who we didn't talk to enough beforehand. I talked to old friends more than ever. Those reconnections have been incredible (I love you, cousins!). I found a love of puzzles, old school board games, and we upped our cooking game! Seriously, the New York Times Cooking subscription was the best $4 ever spent.
This pandemic changed our world and it changed us. I hope we can remember the good that came from this and the lessons learned from the not-so-good.
As the world gradually re-opens and people get vaccinated, I'm just happy we made it. My heart breaks for those who didn't. For their suffering and the suffering of the people who loved them. It isn't lost on me how incredibly lucky I am to have held on to the people I care about when so many people couldn't.
Who knows where we'll be in a year, but I'm hopeful it's a better place with dinners out, sitting at the bar, travel, and hugs.
Oh, how I miss the hugs!
Thinking of you on my panDAMNit anniversary. Onward and upward!