Skip to main content

I've Come a Long Way

I stood in the living room of our first home tonight and realized that the space between it an my kitchen was the same size (if not bigger) than any apartment I lived in as a child.  It was a profound realization...

Why haven't I appreciated what I have more?  Why have I taken advantage?  I never, EVER imagined myself in a home this big, let alone the FIRST home we would purchase.  

This all started because I spent my evening watching THREE hours of clips of the Ellen Show.  I thought I had a bad day.  So I watched some awesome clips of celebs being adorable, the cuties Sophia Grace & Rosie (why haven't I seen these dolls before?!) and then this clip...

I found myself humbled.  How is it that I live the life I do with the complaints I have when not-so-long-ago I was living with my mama and brother in a 1 bedroom apartment while she did all she could to support us?  How is that I had forgotten what THAT was like?!  I thought I hadn't until I watched this show and this woman who was truly doing all she could to be her better self.  

And it hit me like a ton of bricks: how DARE I forget to realize the true fortune I have in my life?! What right do I have to complain that I don't have money to do the things I WANT to when just a few years back, my mother struggled to give us the things we NEEDED?!  I remember those days...but I'm sure not as much as she does.  I remember Christmas' that were so graciously provided by perfect strangers out of the goodness of their hearts.  I even remember one Christmas during middle school when I was given a bottle of Exclamation! perfume (remember that?!) and thought it was the best.thing.ever.  And I remember going to school and being embarrassed because I couldn't tell the other kids where it came from.

So, I'm grateful tonight because I realized that my life is different.  And while I'm not exactly who I want to be or where I want to be, I'm in a place that is better...a place that I know my mother wanted me to be.  

And I'm also a little angry at myself for not being incredibly and constantly grateful for all that I've found in life: a lovely and amazing husband, a healthy family, a newly extended family, tried and true friends, a home, a career in an industry I truly love, a pup.....

I will never be perfect and I will NEVER be Ellen ;-), but if I can help people who need it, then I'm not a wasted person.

It's amazing how small things can make such incredibly large impacts on your surroundings.  I pray my children don't go through what I did, but are able to understand it. I pray that they are the best they can be...just like my mama did.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Daughter.

When you're estranged from not one, but basically both parents, the heaviness of that can still be palpable. Most days, most weeks, and months even, it's fine. I've learned to navigate questions like, "Where do your parents live?" or the weird feeling in my gut when someone says, "Oh, my mom sent me this from this favorite place of mine." I've learned how to adjust to Mother's and Father's Days by staying off of social media and doing something that makes me happy like getting out into nature. Some of these times are better than others. Here's the thing: whether or not the choice to go no contact with the two people who were supposed to show you all the basis of love was good or not, is incredibly difficult. Because social media is what it is, yesterday was apparently "International Daughters Day". It didn't bother me so much yesterday, but this morning wasn't off to a great start and for some reason, I felt agitated. I ...

Bikes!

Twenty years ago this month, I moved to Georgia and got a job at a local bike shop. My long-term boyfriend from my early twenties was an avid cyclist and bike mechanic. He had gotten a job wrenching at a local shop, Bicycles Unlimited. I was 19 and looking for a retail job since, at that point, it was all I knew. The shop was owned by a family and they were welcoming to this young girl working there with ZERO experience. I started on the sales floor and moved on to inventory management. It was my first foray into the inner workings of small businesses. More importantly, this was my introduction to the bicycle industry which has been one of the most meaningful relationships I've ever had.  I'd say 75% of the people I know in my life can be credited to a bicycle. Whether it be through rides, shops, or sponsors... I have met some of the most inspiring and influential people because of a BIKE. Some of the most fulfilling experiences I've had have been on a bike or because of bi...

Boundaries.

  When you hear the word “boundary”, what do you think of? For so long, the word "boundary" meant "no" to me. No to bad relationships. No to things that didn't fulfill me. That was it.  I've seemingly always been able to set boundaries. I used to say it was easy. I've made the hard decision to go no contact with not one, but both parents (and one step-parent) in the last 20 years. I walked away from a marriage mid-trying-to-have-a-baby because I just knew I couldn't be tied to this person forever.  I've recently realized that even though I've been setting some hard boundaries since my early twenties, it's actually never come easy. I know what you're probably thinking, "Well, no. Setting boundaries isn't easy for anyone." And I get that. However, I'm one of those super-feeling types of people. Also known as a (diagnosed) generalized anxiety-ridden people pleaser who is both prickly as a pear but super loving stemming ...