Skip to main content

I've Come a Long Way

I stood in the living room of our first home tonight and realized that the space between it an my kitchen was the same size (if not bigger) than any apartment I lived in as a child.  It was a profound realization...

Why haven't I appreciated what I have more?  Why have I taken advantage?  I never, EVER imagined myself in a home this big, let alone the FIRST home we would purchase.  

This all started because I spent my evening watching THREE hours of clips of the Ellen Show.  I thought I had a bad day.  So I watched some awesome clips of celebs being adorable, the cuties Sophia Grace & Rosie (why haven't I seen these dolls before?!) and then this clip...

I found myself humbled.  How is it that I live the life I do with the complaints I have when not-so-long-ago I was living with my mama and brother in a 1 bedroom apartment while she did all she could to support us?  How is that I had forgotten what THAT was like?!  I thought I hadn't until I watched this show and this woman who was truly doing all she could to be her better self.  

And it hit me like a ton of bricks: how DARE I forget to realize the true fortune I have in my life?! What right do I have to complain that I don't have money to do the things I WANT to when just a few years back, my mother struggled to give us the things we NEEDED?!  I remember those days...but I'm sure not as much as she does.  I remember Christmas' that were so graciously provided by perfect strangers out of the goodness of their hearts.  I even remember one Christmas during middle school when I was given a bottle of Exclamation! perfume (remember that?!) and thought it was the best.thing.ever.  And I remember going to school and being embarrassed because I couldn't tell the other kids where it came from.

So, I'm grateful tonight because I realized that my life is different.  And while I'm not exactly who I want to be or where I want to be, I'm in a place that is better...a place that I know my mother wanted me to be.  

And I'm also a little angry at myself for not being incredibly and constantly grateful for all that I've found in life: a lovely and amazing husband, a healthy family, a newly extended family, tried and true friends, a home, a career in an industry I truly love, a pup.....

I will never be perfect and I will NEVER be Ellen ;-), but if I can help people who need it, then I'm not a wasted person.

It's amazing how small things can make such incredibly large impacts on your surroundings.  I pray my children don't go through what I did, but are able to understand it. I pray that they are the best they can be...just like my mama did.


Popular posts from this blog


 “I don’t know if I should congratulate you or console you.” - Craig “How about both?” - Me This was a conversation in our kitchen earlier this week. After a year and a half of weekly therapy, I had my last session with my therapist Tuesday. Not because I was over it or because it wasn’t working or because he retired. Nope. Because we got to a place where we could both say I’ve got the tools I need to move on. I have to say that there is no timeline for therapy and every situation is unique. I moved on from intensive therapy with my therapist because that it was worked for ME. I am certainly no expert and I have a feeling this isn’t the end of my therapy forever, but I do know that my experience with the right person allowed me to heal in ways I literally never thought possible. And it gave me the experience of a healthy “goodbye”. I was never prepared for that, so when we set an end date (not-so-coincidentally my Nanna’s birthday), it was hard to process. No one talks about


A friend sent this video to me and when I watched it, I was struck more by the feelings it brought up around the content than the story itself.  Christen Reighter's story is an interesting and frustrating insight into what it means to NOT want a child. I invite you to watch this. Her experience is not unique and needs to be talked about. Even if you have kids. Or want them. What struck me most was what she says during her TedTalk: "I have believed having children was an extension of womanhood, not the definition." Truth is, I've been struggling with this lately. Not the fact that I'm longing for children. I'd be fibbing if I said there is a very tiny part of me that wonders what this will feel like when I get to the end of life. HOWEVER. That feeling isn't strong enough for me to want to find out. I don't feel like having children should be thought of as a "keeping the fingers crossed" kind of situation. If you aren't sure you'l


I have a little secret. Today marks 30 days since my last drink**. I had attempted a 30-day alcohol-free period in January of 2018 which ended up being, arguably, one of the most challenging years of my life. I made it 26 days miserable days and it all ended because Brucey , my beloved rescue dog, died while I was traveling to Miami for an event. This is when I discovered that Walgreen's sells wine (what?!).  I look back at my first alcohol-free attempt and I realize that I wasn't really set up for success. Hindsight and all that... Not only did I try to detox on January 1st, but I was also newly ramping up training for my big bike adventures AND I decided to try my hand at 30-days of Yoga with Adriene . All of these things independently are (and were) really good things. Healthy. Mindful. Etc. Etc. However, I went into that period of time looking at not drinking as punishment. This dry spell was needed more than ever. With COVID hitting a year ago (that's another post in i