Skip to main content

Memories of This Day


I don't think divorce is talked about enough...not in a way that promotes healing and moving on at least. Sure, there are those endless "How To" lists, but let's get real: they aren't worth shit. Divorce is intensely personal and every situation is unique. My divorce is no different. I feel a need to let some of what I'm feeling out and, honestly, I'm a little scared to do it. I don't want to dwell and I don't want pity...I just want to put it out there.

As with everything else I've done in the last year, I'm just gonna go for it. If you're offended by my openness or need to express an opinion, I invite you to leave right now 'cause I have exactly ZERO time for that shit. So here we go...

 4 years ago today was one of the best days of my life. It was the day I got married. 

Today, as I write this, I'm sad. And I'm trying to give myself permission to be sad as I think back on where I was 4 years ago. 

I was so determined not to let 11-4-2012 pass me by in a blur. I remember waking up on this day knowing I'd walk down the aisle to the man I would promise my life to and I was so hopeful. I remember taking the time to breathe, to look around the room at the people I loved who were gathered to celebrate my marriage and enjoy the little moments. 

And I did. 
I loved that day. 
And I loved that man. 

Today, those memories...those little, precious moments are still there. They're snippets in time that make me smile while simultaneously breaking my heart into a million pieces. Today, I'm embracing the beauty and the suck of those moments.

 Divorce isn't pretty for anyone. I've learned it's much like a death in that I lost someone I loved and it's important to mourn that. One of the biggest and most difficult lessons I've learned is that it's important not to forget the good moments. I'm still learning to give myself permission to accept that there was so much good in my wedding day, my marriage and my relationship. While it didn't work out, I'm allowed to miss those things and him without wanting to run back. 

I will move forward and I will move on, but for right now...I just want to be still. Today I will look back on every moment I took in on this beautiful fall day in 2012 with a bittersweet fondness. Today, I let the tears flow and give myself permission to just FEEL.

Comments

  1. ButtaLoveRosaNovember 4, 2016 at 7:38 AM

    It's very important to heal. We all have to be allowed our own time to do that and to not feel bad about it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. WilsonMay 2, 2019 at 2:00 AM

    This day changed my life forever too. I often look back at this day as mega fork in my life's road.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Questions? Comments? Share away!

Buzz kill? Keep on moving!

Popular posts from this blog

Goodbye.

 “I don’t know if I should congratulate you or console you.” - Craig “How about both?” - Me This was a conversation in our kitchen earlier this week. After a year and a half of weekly therapy, I had my last session with my therapist Tuesday. Not because I was over it or because it wasn’t working or because he retired. Nope. Because we got to a place where we could both say I’ve got the tools I need to move on. I have to say that there is no timeline for therapy and every situation is unique. I moved on from intensive therapy with my therapist because that it was worked for ME. I am certainly no expert and I have a feeling this isn’t the end of my therapy forever, but I do know that my experience with the right person allowed me to heal in ways I literally never thought possible. And it gave me the experience of a healthy “goodbye”. I was never prepared for that, so when we set an end date (not-so-coincidentally my Nanna’s birthday), it was hard to process. No one talks about
Post a Comment
Read more

It's a Funny Feeling

Let's be honest, I've been riding my bike more this year than the last 3 years COMBINED. While that's sad for the last couple of summers, it's great for this one. And this girl.  Thanks to some riding buddies who are calm and patient, I've been able to get out and ride more in the city whereas before even the thought of riding in Buckhead scared the living daylights out of me. I've encouraged myself when I really, REALLY don't want to ride and would prefer to go home after a long day and drink a glass of wine. I've pushed myself to go a little further than I felt I could. I faced some fears. Riding over I-285 during rush hour traffic giggling because I was having a way better time than those commuters! I was out this evening by myself on a local rail-to-trail and it was glorious. The trail was quiet with very few people on it, the weather was great and I just felt good! I trucked along at my best pace yet and kept thinking to myself how
Post a Comment
Read more

Patsy.

A friend sent this video to me and when I watched it, I was struck more by the feelings it brought up around the content than the story itself.  Christen Reighter's story is an interesting and frustrating insight into what it means to NOT want a child. I invite you to watch this. Her experience is not unique and needs to be talked about. Even if you have kids. Or want them. What struck me most was what she says during her TedTalk: "I have believed having children was an extension of womanhood, not the definition." Truth is, I've been struggling with this lately. Not the fact that I'm longing for children. I'd be fibbing if I said there is a very tiny part of me that wonders what this will feel like when I get to the end of life. HOWEVER. That feeling isn't strong enough for me to want to find out. I don't feel like having children should be thought of as a "keeping the fingers crossed" kind of situation. If you aren't sure you'l
2 comments
Read more