The week leading up to Mother's Day gets worse and worse for me as Sunday approaches. The ads for flowers and cards, the super sweet social media posts I see about all the amazing, kickass mamas out there, the Pandora ads for jewelry as I write this very blog...they make for a tough week.
Mother's Day is tough for people for all kinds of reasons. My reasons are kinda weird, but I'm me and that shouldn't surprise you. The first is that, honestly, I was hoping to be a mom by now. That was the plan anyway. Instead of a baby, I got a divorce! You may get that story one day, but for now you get to hear about one of 2 very toxic relationships in my life. Lucky you!
The big reason Mother's Day is so tough for me is because I'm one of those people who....wait for it....doesn't have a relationship with my mom. GASP!
The no-relationship-with-the-woman-who-gave-me-life fact makes people REALLY uncomfortable. Uncomfortable and opinionated. Being honest and sharing about my life opens me up to peoples' opinions. I get that. What I don't get is the inability for people to attempt to sympathize with my situation. I get lots of "advice". That advice is as equally plentiful as it is infuriating:
"Some people wish they had their mother's around. You're lucky."
"No mother is perfect."
"I know how you feel. My mom can be a real jerk sometimes."
And my FAVORITE, "It's not the Christian thing to do." (seriously, go fuck yourself)
If your reaction is any of the above, then that makes me happy for you. You probably don't understand the true meaning of the term, "parental inconsistency". You probably haven't grown up being told you aren't worth loving. You've probably never had to make the difficult decision of choosing between this person you've done your best to love and your own mental well being. And you know what? I think that's awesome! Truly. I love seeing healthy relationships between children and their parents because those relationships give me faith in this life.
Mother's Day will be tough because I don't want it to be like this any more than I'm sure she does. However, none of that changes the fact my life is more consistent and my mental health is better without my mom around. Yes, it makes me sad to not have a relationship with her and every Mother's Day forces me to mourn the lack of that relationship. Please don't be sad for me, though. I don't need pity. I just ask that you respect that my life is different and my reasons why are valid. All I ask is you not treat me like a monster because of it.
Mother's Day is tough for people for all kinds of reasons. My reasons are kinda weird, but I'm me and that shouldn't surprise you. The first is that, honestly, I was hoping to be a mom by now. That was the plan anyway. Instead of a baby, I got a divorce! You may get that story one day, but for now you get to hear about one of 2 very toxic relationships in my life. Lucky you!
The big reason Mother's Day is so tough for me is because I'm one of those people who....wait for it....doesn't have a relationship with my mom. GASP!
The no-relationship-with-the-woman-who-gave-me-life fact makes people REALLY uncomfortable. Uncomfortable and opinionated. Being honest and sharing about my life opens me up to peoples' opinions. I get that. What I don't get is the inability for people to attempt to sympathize with my situation. I get lots of "advice". That advice is as equally plentiful as it is infuriating:
"Some people wish they had their mother's around. You're lucky."
"No mother is perfect."
"I know how you feel. My mom can be a real jerk sometimes."
And my FAVORITE, "It's not the Christian thing to do." (seriously, go fuck yourself)
If your reaction is any of the above, then that makes me happy for you. You probably don't understand the true meaning of the term, "parental inconsistency". You probably haven't grown up being told you aren't worth loving. You've probably never had to make the difficult decision of choosing between this person you've done your best to love and your own mental well being. And you know what? I think that's awesome! Truly. I love seeing healthy relationships between children and their parents because those relationships give me faith in this life.
Mother's Day will be tough because I don't want it to be like this any more than I'm sure she does. However, none of that changes the fact my life is more consistent and my mental health is better without my mom around. Yes, it makes me sad to not have a relationship with her and every Mother's Day forces me to mourn the lack of that relationship. Please don't be sad for me, though. I don't need pity. I just ask that you respect that my life is different and my reasons why are valid. All I ask is you not treat me like a monster because of it.
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