Skip to main content

2019.

And just like that, another year has passed.

This year isn't exactly what I thought it would be. I thought after a really hard 2018 that 2019 would be some magical reawakening and I'd find all the answers. LOL. NOPE.

2019's theme was consistency. For a girl whose entire life has been all about "surviving" and "making it through", consistency is an uncomfortable place. It took me a few months into the year to discover that when I felt bored or that when things felt flat, that it was actually just some sense of normalcy. Turns out, 2019's challenge was learning what peace feels like.

I've gotta be honest with you dear, 3 readers of this blog: that shit is HARD and I've still got some learning to do, but at the end of the day and this year...it feels oh, so good.

Here are some 2019 highlights:

This year saw a consistent job that's given me more experience in a totally different field and world. While I don't think it's my forever career, it's been a nice reset.

I moved again which drives my friends and family nuts when it's Christmas card season. This place, though, it feels the most like HOME I've had in a long, long time. It's beautiful and peaceful and on weekends when there's no agenda, I love waking up to this beautiful space.




Another big bike adventure was accomplished with my buddy Hank. Lots of training, plotting, planning, anxiety attacks, and hard work were put into what became another incredibly difficult and equally rewarding feat with one of my favorite human beings. A week in the mountains on a bike with Hank once again showed me how capable I am. It also showed me how incredibly loved we both are by the tribe of people who got us through that week. I know that these big adventures are something I want to do for a long time. I just have to figure out what that looks like.




Balance was also a theme in my life. I learned how to stop saying yes for the sake of missing out on something and that "no" is OK. "Yes" should be reserved for adventures and experiences that fulfill you. Days on the couch in sweatpants are equally needed. 

Most importantly, I fell in love. With ME. I'm so proud of myself and the woman I've grown into over the last few years. I'm tough. And funny. I love HARD. I'm also not for everyone and that's fine with me. I am, however, for a certain someone who I also fell in love with in the process. Yo, 25-year-old Helen (and other girls out there): don't look for him to complete you. Look for him to be your partner in life. You'll be better for it...and much happier.

I try not to do resolutions at the beginning of the new year because I find that goals are constantly having to be set, readjusted, and reset throughout the year. My hope for 2020 (HELLO ROARING 20's!) is that I spend more time with and appreciating the small group of people who make my life happy. We aren't here long. I hope to travel a little more. More bike and running adventures are a definite. As is spending as much time outside as possible! Maybe a few more blog posts... Anything outside of that is a bonus. 

Life is lovely. Cheers to you, my friends, and 2020!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Goodbye.

 “I don’t know if I should congratulate you or console you.” - Craig “How about both?” - Me This was a conversation in our kitchen earlier this week. After a year and a half of weekly therapy, I had my last session with my therapist Tuesday. Not because I was over it or because it wasn’t working or because he retired. Nope. Because we got to a place where we could both say I’ve got the tools I need to move on. I have to say that there is no timeline for therapy and every situation is unique. I moved on from intensive therapy with my therapist because that it was worked for ME. I am certainly no expert and I have a feeling this isn’t the end of my therapy forever, but I do know that my experience with the right person allowed me to heal in ways I literally never thought possible. And it gave me the experience of a healthy “goodbye”. I was never prepared for that, so when we set an end date (not-so-coincidentally my Nanna’s birthday), it was hard to process. No one talks about

November 19th

There's apparently something about November 19th and changes in my life... 2 years ago: moving out of the ex's house 1 year ago: announcing that I was making the big move to beautiful Colorado Today: planning my next big adventure! After 2 years of major life changes and constant adjustment, I'm finally feeling like a settled human being. So, I've decided that 2018 is going to be the year I push myself physically and mentally. 2 half marathons are on the schedule along with the most exciting part: a multi day bike adventure with an assisted athlete here in Colorado in support of The Kyle Pease Foundation !!  I've learned enough about myself that I will not agree to push myself hard physically for any length of time unless there is another person who is behind the WHY. Doing this in partnership with another athlete who necessarily wouldn't be able to otherwise, is enough to get my ass off my couch and get it done! Details are still being worke

Daughter.

When you're estranged from not one, but basically both parents, the heaviness of that can still be palpable. Most days, most weeks, and months even, it's fine. I've learned to navigate questions like, "Where do your parents live?" or the weird feeling in my gut when someone says, "Oh, my mom sent me this from this favorite place of mine." I've learned how to adjust to Mother's and Father's Days by staying off of social media and doing something that makes me happy like getting out into nature. Some of these times are better than others. Here's the thing: whether or not the choice to go no contact with the two people who were supposed to show you all the basis of love was good or not, is incredibly difficult. Because social media is what it is, yesterday was apparently "International Daughters Day". It didn't bother me so much yesterday, but this morning wasn't off to a great start and for some reason, I felt agitated. I