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For Thomas

There is no special occasion...his birthday is in July (a fact that has made this Christmas baby VERY jealous for the last 28 years)'s not a holiday. Nope. This is a response/shout out to the guy who has been posting all of these incredibly lovely things about me on social media. They not only make me blush and a little embarrassed, but they've kept me going.

Thomas is my not-so-little brother. I say that because although he's about 4.5 years younger than I, he stands 7 feet tall and is one of very few people in this world who make me feel small - on so many levels. He calls me his not-so-big-sister and I love it. It's our thing. Lots of things are "our thing"...I guess that's what happens when you share half your DNA with another person.

From the moment he was born that kid knew how to capture a room. Full of life and spunk (often to our detriment)...can't tell you the amount of shit that kid destroyed as a toddler. He knew no strangers and made friends so easily. It was another thing I was always envious of as that, to this day, is not a trait I inherited. 

I wasn't a great big sister. Our childhood was less than good and being the older, more mature (read: I took the brunt of the b.s.) sister that I was meant the frustrations from our tumultuous childhood were taken out on him. We were both in a mess and handled it very differently. He was the only thing smaller and more vulnerable than I and he took the brunt of my anger. I always feared he'd hate me for it. In my defense, he was my pain-in-the-ass little brother.

When I turned 18, I left home the first moment I could. And we both felt like I left him behind. He was angry and I was regretful, but we were young both know I couldn't stay to buffer him forever. 

Through the years, we haven't always been the closest. He and I are quite opposite in every aspect of our personalities, we've got a little age difference and have been at different points in our life so regular calls and visits haven't been a thing. Additionally, we don't come from parents who really taught us what it was to have a close, loving relationship with family (or anyone for that matter) so this relationship stuff isn't ingrained in us.

I've watched that not-so-little brother of mine mature a hell of a lot in the last few years. To the point that, when I was going through my divorce and completely broken then on my way to Colorado with my dog and a Uhaul in complete fear, he was my biggest cheerleader. And I don't mean "BIG" just literally. He was my support and, for some stupid reason, he was proud of me. He made it a point to tell me over and over. 

But, when I think about it, Thomas has always been my biggest champion. He's the only person that has been my rock solid foundation and support without fail. 

Thank you, not-so-little brother, for being a stand up guy who isn't afraid to tell his sister he loves her. I love you, too, and I am so proud that someone, somewhere knew that we needed to be brother and sister and made it so.


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