Skip to main content

Frustration.

For some reason, 2018 has gotten off to a frustrating start. 

 It probably has something to do with the fact that I took on a month of no drinking, a month of yoga every day and upped my training in addition to taking on more work with some of my favorite foundations. All starting Jan. 1.

 Anyone who truly knows me that I'm a pessimist at heart. It's who I am. I bitch and moan and have a hard time seeing the good...mostly in myself. It's taken a lot of hard work, but in the last couple of years I've gotten so much better at this. Practicing thankfulness and self love.

 However, in the last 15 days, I've had a really hard time getting into and staying in a positive place. 

 I have some big goals for 2018 and sometimes, lately, I've begun to question if maybe I took too much on. If all these grand ideas are doable. 

 And then. Then I remind myself that I am nothing if I'm not trying to constantly improve. Maybe I have, indeed, taken on a little too much but what's the point of living if I stay in what is comfortable.

 This is hard. Really hard. Not just one thing, but all of it. 

 Scheduling.
Balance.
Physically.
Emotionally.

 I'm uncomfortable and even though I knew I would be and that "uncomfortable" has become a familiar place, it doesn't make these big changes any easier as much as I thought they would. And maybe that's why I'm having a hard time.

 I hope at the beginning of February, I can check in with some amazing perspective having gotten through this annoyingly heavy fog.

 For now, though, I'm going to continue to push through because that's one thing I do know how to do!


Comments

Post a Comment

Questions? Comments? Share away!

Buzz kill? Keep on moving!

Popular posts from this blog

Goodbye.

 “I don’t know if I should congratulate you or console you.” - Craig “How about both?” - Me This was a conversation in our kitchen earlier this week. After a year and a half of weekly therapy, I had my last session with my therapist Tuesday. Not because I was over it or because it wasn’t working or because he retired. Nope. Because we got to a place where we could both say I’ve got the tools I need to move on. I have to say that there is no timeline for therapy and every situation is unique. I moved on from intensive therapy with my therapist because that it was worked for ME. I am certainly no expert and I have a feeling this isn’t the end of my therapy forever, but I do know that my experience with the right person allowed me to heal in ways I literally never thought possible. And it gave me the experience of a healthy “goodbye”. I was never prepared for that, so when we set an end date (not-so-coincidentally my Nanna’s birthday), it was hard to process. No one talks ab...
Post a Comment
Read more

Daughter.

When you're estranged from not one, but basically both parents, the heaviness of that can still be palpable. Most days, most weeks, and months even, it's fine. I've learned to navigate questions like, "Where do your parents live?" or the weird feeling in my gut when someone says, "Oh, my mom sent me this from this favorite place of mine." I've learned how to adjust to Mother's and Father's Days by staying off of social media and doing something that makes me happy like getting out into nature. Some of these times are better than others. Here's the thing: whether or not the choice to go no contact with the two people who were supposed to show you all the basis of love was good or not, is incredibly difficult. Because social media is what it is, yesterday was apparently "International Daughters Day". It didn't bother me so much yesterday, but this morning wasn't off to a great start and for some reason, I felt agitated. I ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Bikes!

Twenty years ago this month, I moved to Georgia and got a job at a local bike shop. My long-term boyfriend from my early twenties was an avid cyclist and bike mechanic. He had gotten a job wrenching at a local shop, Bicycles Unlimited. I was 19 and looking for a retail job since, at that point, it was all I knew. The shop was owned by a family and they were welcoming to this young girl working there with ZERO experience. I started on the sales floor and moved on to inventory management. It was my first foray into the inner workings of small businesses. More importantly, this was my introduction to the bicycle industry which has been one of the most meaningful relationships I've ever had.  I'd say 75% of the people I know in my life can be credited to a bicycle. Whether it be through rides, shops, or sponsors... I have met some of the most inspiring and influential people because of a BIKE. Some of the most fulfilling experiences I've had have been on a bike or because of bi...
Post a Comment
Read more