A Lovely Life

This was the first photo I saw when I opened Facebook today.  They do a great job of reminding you where you were and what you were doing this time last year, 2 years ago and on and on. Most days it brings a smile to my face. Some days I feel a pang of nostalgia and longing. Other days I feel nothing at all. Today was different. I looked at this picture and the date and thought, "Holy shit. This picture of my low riders 'waiting for dad' would be way less cute if anyone had ANY idea what was going on at that point in time." Two years ago, we had just decided after months to stop trying to have a baby and get a divorce instead. I was in this state of fuzziness. Not knowing if it was really REAL. Not knowing who to talk to. Feeling the weight of the failure of my marriage and the absolute fear of what was a very uncertain future. I was in auto mode....going through the motions of everyday life, posting our "happy" little family on social m...

I decided to go for a hike today. I needed some time alone to reflect....and to cry. I wanted to get it out and do what has been difficult do in the last few months (re my entire life) - to dig into the pain and FEEL . What ended up happening surprised me.  There's something about Colorado for me that feels more like home than any other place. I think it's because I feel grounded and in a place where I can find my peace. So I found myself hiking in this gorgeous weather with this incredible panoramic view and I couldn't be sad. I was in awe and I was thankful. And while I thought of my broken relationship with my mother, I thought more of the incredible women in my life who inspire me daily. My life has been filled with them. They are my nanna and my aunts....my cousins who became beautiful mamas. They are the women who stepped in when my mom couldn't "handle" me as a kid. They are the friends I've met as an adult who had littles that I've had th...

The week leading up to Mother's Day gets worse and worse for me as Sunday approaches. The ads for flowers and cards, the super sweet social media posts I see about all the amazing, kickass mamas out there, the Pandora ads for jewelry as I write this very blog...they make for a tough week. Mother's Day is tough for people for all kinds of reasons. My reasons are kinda weird, but I'm me and that shouldn't surprise you. The first is that, honestly, I was hoping to be a mom by now. That was the plan anyway. Instead of a baby, I got a divorce! You may get that story one day, but for now you get to hear about one of 2 very toxic relationships in my life. Lucky you! The big reason Mother's Day is so tough for me is because I'm one of those people who....wait for it....doesn't have a relationship with my mom. GASP!   The no-relationship-with-the-woman-who-gave-me-life fact makes people REALLY uncomfortable. Uncomfortable and opinionated. Being honest and shar...

There is no special occasion...his birthday is in July (a fact that has made this Christmas baby VERY jealous for the last 28 years)...it's not a holiday. Nope. This is a response/shout out to the guy who has been posting all of these incredibly lovely things about me on social media. They not only make me blush and a little embarrassed, but they've kept me going. Thomas is my not-so-little brother. I say that because although he's about 4.5 years younger than I, he stands 7 feet tall and is one of very few people in this world who make me feel small - on so many levels. He calls me his not-so-big-sister and I love it. It's our thing. Lots of things are "our thing"...I guess that's what happens when you share half your DNA with another person. From the moment he was born that kid knew how to capture a room. Full of life and spunk (often to our detriment)...can't tell you the amount of shit that kid destroyed as a toddler. He knew no strangers and m...

This weekend I got the keys to my apartment. The one I mentioned before that will be the first apartment I've had as an adult with exactly zero help from anyone...no rent hook ups from buddies or the need for roommates. After getting said keys and doing a quick walk through, I'm really REALLY missing those hookups. I knew before coming out here that the rental and housing market in Denver sucks. I was fully prepared for the sticker shock and unavailability and wait lists that were all coming my way. So when I looked at this place (the 8th apartment I looked at in one day), I felt the need to say, "yes". It was the most affordable, best laid out, biggest place in a decent and convenient area. You should have seen some of the places I looked at! I also knew if I waited, I'd probably loose it and would be back at square one in my search.  I'm going to complain here, so move on to the next paragraph if you want positivity and sunshine: the place isn't gre...